Archive for October, 2010

That Jerk-Off Doctor Guy

Posted in humor, relationships, sex, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 23, 2010 by dredslack

   Last week over a desktop lunch, I had a skype connected chat with my old friend Simon, (not his real name). We became friends in shrink school some decades back and have kept in touch ever since, finding a way to chat every month or so. As I took a bite of burrito he said, “Ed, I’ve worked out a technique that keeps men who are habitual cheaters in line and true to their partners”, (Simon specializes in marriage counseling in general and infidelity in particular). “Great” I said, “What is it?” 

 Simon then went on to explain the technique in detail. (If you’re really sensitive to matters of a sexual nature, stop reading here). He advised his clients that when they find themselves in a situation where they’re tempted to start making moves to ramp a relationship up to sexual, they are to stop at once and then masturbate at the earliest available appropriate opportunity, holding the object of desire in their mind. Repeat this on a per occasion basis up to 25 times and process it in individual sessions. He never had anyone get past 23 times before they were over it, with most only needing 12-15 reps. 

  “Pretty interesting angle on an age old problem, but don’t some get so fixated they become obsessed and go stalker?”  Simon said he has been using this approach for several years and with over 80 clients and none of them had. He did mention that several of the men did go ‘underground’ with the technique because their partners were very uncomfortable with them fantasizing about others, and no amount of talk about the animalistic / instinctive component of sexuality would dissuade them. 

  “Sounds like you’ve got a live one; you better write that up and get it out. Maybe you should think about getting a tissue company to pay you for your endorsement”.  “Ha ha, very funny” he retorted, “there’s no way in hell I’m gonna put my name on that”. It was an unorthodox technique to be sure, but it worked and seriously improved people’s lives, so I said with dismay, “why not?” 

  “Think about it Ed, if the general press gets a hold of this what do you think they’re going to do? This approach has several very controversial components, components that could land me involuntary and repeated coverage on Inside Edition type ‘scandal news’ shows, in no time at all”. I pointed out that confronting the issues of masturbation and sex fantasies would probably be a good thing and encourage folks to be more aware and realistic. “Sure” he said “some people would undoubtedly become more educated about matters sexual, but think about Sharon and the boys? Do you think they want their husband and father to be famous for being ‘that jerk-off doctor guy’?” 

  After I stopped laughing I had to admit, he had a point!

What are You At War With?

Posted in continued learning, enjoyable living, quest for content, relationships, staying alive, trust, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on October 10, 2010 by dredslack

It doesn’t take more that a casual perusal of the human race to see that being in conflict is a habitual, if not natural, part of the fabric of the human condition. It probably had to be; if we weren’t a race of fighters we wouldn’t have made it through our species’ early peril. In order to not be eaten by predatory animals we had to fight. In order to not be killed off by disease we had to learn about and implement disease prevention, another fight. The weather could take us out with a lengthy tsunami or an ill tempered hurricane so we needed to fight such events by implementing strategies to protect ourselves under those conditions. As we evolved into tribal culture we fought with each other and if we couldn’t defend ourselves we suffered the consequences. I think it’s pretty clear we’re not going to stop being fighters anytime soon, but perhaps we can be conscious of these energies and direct them to productive rather than destructive ends. 

“I don’t have a part of myself that’s like that. I’m not a fighter at all”, is a common reaction to the aforementioned assertion. Indeed some of us are so far from the aggressive side of ourselves that we may not even know it’s there, but in my 25+ years of being a practicing shrink I’ve frequently observed the nicest, most polite and very submissive people turn into a match for Attila the Hun when their children were threatened or during divorce proceedings etc. Virtually all of us have a ‘fighter’ in us.

  This ‘warrior energy’ or whatever you want to call it isn’t a bad thing at all. In fact we may need it now more than ever, albeit with a different perspective and manner. We don’t need to engage in violence to use it, we can fight cruelty, poverty, injustice, unfairness, discrimination, intolerance, ignorance, environmental abuses, etc., etc., in non-violent formats. This is incredibly important right now because as our society moves forward and changes at an increasingly rapid pace the ‘fight or flight’ mechanism in many individuals is awakened and spurred on by fear of what the ensuing change might bring. Resultingly, these folks will fight to keep the familiar, and the injustice, cruelty, discrimination, ignorance, unfairness and the like that go with it. Of course their battles will be dressed up with catchy slogans and misdirecting symbolism and the charge will be led by appealing pundits speaking in catchy sound bytes, but it’s nonetheless a fear based fight against change. Unless those of us who want our world to improve use our talents and ‘fight’ energies and take action to support forward moving beliefs and causes, we may be defeated by those who fight because of fear. 

 We now have the technical know how to destroy the whole planet (at least the surface area) so obviously, on the macro level, we have to back off some from our war-like tendencies or we’re all screwed. Of course each of us have our own personal battles with our families, our waistlines, relationships etc., and sometimes those battles leave us with little or no time for anything else (like severe addiction or sickness). For those of you who aren’t in the folds of such personal crisis my question is: “What are you at war with?” What makes you angry enough to take action because what’s currently happening is intolerable and you’re willing to put some energy in to changing it?

Our swords these days can be taking the time to sign a petition, speaking up a bit more than usual, making aware consumer choices, practicing informed voting, donating some time or money to a favored cause or whatever. If we take the time and spend some energy to fight for what’s important to us, in a manner that works for us, for just a few minutes a day we will be making an important and positive contribution. It certainly sounds corny and I’m sorry if I’ve come off like some sort of pushy cheerleader but a little bit of action from a lot of us can make a huge real difference. Go Team!!

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